Mad Men = ehhhhhhhhhh

Started watching the TV show, 'Mad Men' this week.  I'm 7 episodes into Season 1 and I still can't get over the amount of smoking, drinking, drinking and driving, etc in the show.  I've been Googling how realistic this show is for the 60s and a lot of folks say they downplayed it a bit.

Right now I would give the show 6 out of 10, but I am going to finish Season 1 and see if it moves up to an 8, which would make me continue on to Season 2.

Entourage

The new Entourage movie trailer is out and it reminds me how much of my life post college was dedicated to this show.  I've seen every episode from Seasons 1 through 5 at least 3 times each.  Great show that died out a bit on the last 2 seasons.  Hopefully they can start fresh with this movie.  Click on the link below to check it out.

Official Entourage Movie Trailer

Can't wait to catch this movie in 2015!

Gingerbread House

This masterpiece was 100% my idea and handiwork. 

69 Gingerbread Lane

This past Saturday, the four Bergie/Flem cousins (plus significant others) got together for our annual holiday dinner.  I have always treasured the opportunity to spend time with Ryan, Kyle, and Molly, and the addition of Eric and now Christine has only made the group more fun.  Kyle had the great idea to bring a gingerbread house kit, so here are a few photos of the assembly and decoration of that house:

You will note that Eric and Christine are patiently and carefully assembling the house while the four Donovan descendants are nowhere to be seen.  (Okay, there is a twenty-year-old photo of the four of us looking down at them from the wall.)  We were mostly scarfing down the candies that were meant for decorating the house and giggling.

Molly murdered a gingerbread person.  In cold blood.

The cousins.  We weren't very helpful when it came to constructing the house, but we know a photo opportunity when we see one.

The back of the house.  The activities on the front lawn got too weird to post.

These reindeer cupcakes have nothing to do with the gingerbread house, but they are a personal baking triumph.

Photo Fail

I had a very nice Thanksgiving and holiday weekend up in Maine with my family.  My parents did a great job hosting and I had the chance to visit with a lot of family members while I was in the Pine Tree State.  (Thanks for taking the time to hang out, Nana Flem, Uncle Pat, Aunt Norleen, Daniel, Isiah, Zach, Nicole, Dan, and of course Mum, Dad, Ryan, and Christine!)  Unfortunately I totally blew it on the photo front.  I left my camera at home and only remembered to take out my mum's camera on Saturday when we had lunch at Central Maine's finest dining establishment, Big G's. 

I do have photos of a couple of the weekend's biggest accomplishments-- my parents' Christmas tree and my Christmas tree.  We put my parents' tree up on Saturday while watching Home Alone and I put my tree up yesterday while watching Elf and Christmas Vacation (the process takes longer when it is a one-woman job.)  Here are the finished products:

My parents' 2014 Christmas tree

My 2014 Christmas tree

Ryan and Christine picked out their tree last night, so I am looking forward to seeing it up and decorated with the ornaments and decorations Nana and Mum shared with them this past weekend.  I have a few to contribute as well.  (When you only have a 5.5' tall tree, ornament real estate is scarce.)

Happy December!

The Last Five (or Six)

I have been doing a weak job posting to the blog lately, so in an effort to get some new content up, I am defaulting to more book reviews.  Since last I posted about my reading list, I have finished five books.  I am nearly done a sixth and as long as the ending is not a big letdown, Ordinary Grace by William Kent Krueger is my favorite of all the books in this post.*

Mandy by Julie Andrews Edwards
As has been documented on this blog, I am a serious Julie Andrews fan.  Her children's book Mandy reminded me of The Secret Garden, which I loved as a child.  I enjoyed Mandy, but probably would have enjoyed it more had I read it 25 years ago. 


One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
I really liked the Jack Nicholson movie based on this book, so when I saw the novel on clearance, I picked it up.  The character of McMurphy is original and entertaining and the plot is compelling.  The book is narrated by the Chief, so it spends more time floating around his brain than the movie does.  I found the sections of the book that delved into the Chief's psyche less interesting, but overall One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest was worth reading.

Someone Else's Love Story by Joshilyn Jackson
One of my coworkers recommended this book and lent it to me.  I have never read a Danielle Steel book, but Someone Else's Love Story was like I imagine those books to be.  It  is a romance novel with a main character named Shandi who calls her mother "Mimmy," so I could never be fully on board.  On the plus side, it was a quick read and reasonably entertaining.  (Although I thought the conclusion was lame.)

An Uncommon Education by Elizabeth Percer
I bought this book because the author is a graduate of Wellesley College and part of the book takes place at Wellesley.  Unfortunately the setting was not enough to win me over.  Aside from noting several familiar on-campus locations, I did not recognize the main character's Wellesley, where most students were cold and/or competitive.  The plot of An Uncommon Education never grabbed me and the characters were not memorable enough to salvage the book for me.

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
Apparently The Alchemist is a widely-read and beloved book.  One of the reviews on the jacket likened it to The Little Prince, which is a favorite of mine.  The Alchemist not only failed to live up to the high standard set by The Little Prince, but actively ticked me off while I was reading it.  Goofy self-help philosophies (I'm talking about you, Oprah's The Secret) offend me and the "personal legend" philosophy laid out in The Alchemist really offended me.  I felt that this book was neither entertaining nor deep.  The characters Santiago encounters during his journey were forgettable, unlike the characters in The Little Prince.  I was expecting Santiago's treasure to be revealed as love or family, which would have been predictable and hokey, but even worse was that the treasure was. . . treasure.  His "personal legend"/purpose in life was getting his hands on a bunch of dough.  I strongly disliked this book. 


*I finished Ordinary Grace this morning (a day after starting this post) and I stand by my recommendation.  The story is told from the point of view of an adult looking back on a very dramatic summer when he was 13 years old. In that way, it reminded me of To Kill a Mockingbird, one of my all-time-favorite books.  The narrator Frank's pastor father Nathan had a bit of an Atticus Finch vibe, which is probably the highest compliment a fictional father can receive.  By the end of the book I was very attached to Frank, his little brother Jake, their father, their family friend Gus, and a number of other members of their community.  I tend to value character development over plot, so appreciating so many of the characters that William Kent Krueger created pretty much guaranteed my love of this book, but the plot was compelling as well.  (And made me cry on the T more than once.)  I would usually avoid a book that was described by author Dennis Lehane as "a pitch-perfect, wonderfully evocative examination of violent loss."  I am glad I didn't skip this one. 

The Big Nine-Oh

Grampa Donovan's 90th birthday was this past Saturday, so our family gathered to celebrate his special day as well as my grandparents' upcoming 65th wedding anniversary.  I am extremely grateful to everyone who took the time to travel to and attend the celebration.  My mother's cousin RJ delayed his return flight to Tanzania just to be there.  Her cousin Bob and his wife Sarah woke up at 2am to fly up from Florida.  Happy tears had already been shed that day, but my mum lost it when Bob and Sarah surprised everyone by walking into the party.  The ten cousins of my mum's generation had not all been together in a long time, so it was a nice reunion.  I wish I had taken more pictures, but there were so many people to visit and the day went by in a flash.  The photos are limited, but it was a fun celebration and I was pleased to see both of my grandparents so happy.  (Grampa was especially delighted to see his sister Lillian and his sister-in-law Anna).  Here are a few shots from the party:

Nana & Grampa with their four children

Nana and Grampa with the Belchertown Donovans

Nana & Grampa with the Duquettes

Nana & Grampa with six of their grandchildren

All ten Donovan/Duquette cousins together for the first time in years

Grampa as Up's Carl Frederickson

Two Weeks

Thanksgiving is two weeks from today and my family has locked down our plan for 2014: We will be celebrating at my parents' house again this year.  As the Queen of Nostalgia, I am quick to remark that the holiday may never again be as amazing as it was for the majority of my first 26 fourth Thursdays in November when my dad's entire family gathered to celebrate at my great-grandparents'/grandmother's home.  Having EVERYONE together in Turner was wonderful and I am grateful for the amazing memories.  Our current tradition is to celebrate at my parents' house or my Uncle Pat and Aunt Norleen's house.  Even though the group is smaller, we still have fun playing games-- and turning nonsense into games.

Here are some highlights from last Thanksgiving:

Dinner for Ten

I bought my parents this roasting pan because I am the BEST vegetarian daughter ever.

The ladies post-dinner.  Chef Trish has already changed into sweats.  Let the party begin.

Let the flexibility challenges begin.

Let the flexibility challenges continue.  (I can't overstate how much mileage we got out of this chair activity.  The house was completely filled with laughter.)

This photo of Uncle Pat, Nana, and Dad cracks me up.  (It cracked Nana up too.)

The annual dude cousin shot.  They get weirder every year.*

Cousins!

Any family that doesn't end Thanksgiving with a human pyramid is celebrating wrong.

*Another classic Thanksgiving bro/cuz shot.  Ryan's creepy 'stache stole the show in 2012.

Death Comes to PBS

Today I came across an article about the "Farewell, Mr. Hooper" episode of Sesame Street.  The start of the article mentions that the actor who portrayed Mr. Hooper, Will Lee, passed away on December 7, 1982.  I have a clear memory of watching that episode at my grandparents' house and being upset by it.  I was surprised that I could remember an episode that aired before I was three years old.  Then I read that the episode aired on Thanksgiving day 1983, making me a little over three years old.  (The holiday airing also explains why I remember watching the episode at my grandparents' house with my cousin David.)  The comment section for the article includes memories by many people around my age who vividly remember watching "Farewell, Mr. Hooper."  It is kind of amazing how many people were affected by the episode.

The article reminded me the "Butterflies" episode of Today's Special, another children's show that aired on PBS in the '80s.  Today's Special took place in a department store and the cast included two humans and two puppets.  The elderly night watchman, Sam Crenshaw, was the reason I refused to be called "Sam" during elementary school; I was convinced Sam was a "boys' name."  The plot of "Butterflies" is outlined on this page.  Muffy the mouse befriends a monarch butterfly named Hazel.  I went into a full meltdown when Hazel died near the end of the episode.  I still feel queasy when I think about the song Muffy sang at Hazel's funeral.  "Butterflies" aired in 1984, so not long after "Farewell, Mr. Hooper."  I wish I could state that after three decades I am better equipped to handle death (at the very least on TV), but if I were to rewatch these episodes today, I would be a mess.  It is probably a good thing that I can't find a clip of Muffy singing "We Love You Hazel," as I would be openly weeping in my office if I were to hear it.

Trick or Treat!

My roommates adore dressing up for Halloween. 

Anne + Gilbert 4Ever

This blog post from a Canadian wedding photographer who staged an Anne of Green Gables wedding shoot is phenomenal.  I LOVED Anne Shirley, both in L.M. Montgomery's books and Kevin Sullivan's movies.  These photographs make me want to go home, reread my Anne books, rewatch my Anne movies, and book a trip to Prince Edward Island.

Halloween Flicks

Since I am too much of a scaredy cat to have ever enjoyed horror movies, my go-to Halloween entertainment is of a tamer variety.  I have watched three of the following four movies in the last few weeks.  One more to go by Friday.

Real Talk: "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" is not that great.  Blasphemy, I know.  I watch it every October and am reminded annually that this is far inferior to "A Charlie Brown Christmas."  A good chunk of this special is devoted to Snoopy's imagined World War I flying ace adventures and I have been rendered bored during those parts since I was a toddler.  But I am nothing if not a slave to tradition, so I will continue to watch Linus get boned by The Great Pumpkin each autumn.

E.T. was the first movie I saw in the cinema and it holds a special place in my heart.  It was also the first VHS movie we owned.  I have long questioned the sanity of Elliott's mother as she is easily tricked into believing a squat alien with giant feet is Drew Barrymore dressed as a ghost for Halloween.  Lay off the sauce, Elliott's mom! 

Michael, "Gertie"/E.T., and Elliott heading out for tricks and treats.

E.T. is the movie on the list that I haven't watched yet this month.  Looks like I have plans on Halloween after all.

Ryan and I went through a phase in the late '80s during which we watched Beetlejuice A LOT.  Our mum recorded it for us and we probably wore out the tape watching the two Harry Belafonte dance sequences over and over.  I had not watched this movie in its entirety in easily over a decade until I caught it on TV this past weekend.  I had forgotten that Ryan used to do impressions of Michael Keaton's titular character.  This was around the time that he was also honing his Pee Wee Herman impersonation.  Weird times at 8 Victor.

I saw The Addams Family at the movie theater with a group of friends in sixth grade.  I think it was the first movie I ever saw at the cinema without an adult chaperone.  When this flick came out on video, we bought the VHS as McDonald's.  Buying a movie and dining at McDonald's were life events back then, so I remember that night well.  My current Addams-Family-related life goal is to adopt a female black cat and name her Wednesday.  Too bad I'm at maximum feline capacity or that dream would become a reality by All Hallows' Eve.

Happy Halloween!

Weekend Movie Viewing

"The Fault in Our Stars" = 3 out of 5 stars
"Neighbors" = 4 out of 5 stars

Baby Rhino

One of our uncles used to call Ryan "Baby Rhino" so it appropriate that this video of a baby rhino trying to prance like a lamb has amused us both today.



I have watched and giggled at the video multiple times this morning.  When I sent it to Ryan, I got the following response:

"Oh God, I haven't LOL'd that much at an animal video since 1995's Babe the pig fell off the stoop."

Remembering 13-year-old Ryan dying laughing at the little pig falling off a ramp in the trailer for "Babe" made me laugh.  So this one is for you, Bro:

I'm freaking out, man!

To Do List

This weekend:  The Apple Farm in Fairfield, Maine

Next weekend:  Allandale Farm in Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts

Growing up, Mum used to take Ryan and me to The Apple Farm every fall to choose pumpkins.  Back then, we could buy apples and carrots to feed to horses on the property.  Those horses no longer reside on The Apple Farm (or probably on this plane of existence), but I still love going there with my mother each autumn.  Mum and I will be carving jack-o-lanterns in a matter of days.  "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" will be viewed.  Pumpkin cookies and apple cider will be consumed in large quantities.  Fall truly is the best time of year. 

A Favorite, Remade

This morning I came a across a new video of one of my favorite songs, "God Only Knows."  I do not recognize half of the people in this rendition and it cannot begin to compete with the Beach Boys' original song, but I still found it interesting. 

I'm So Scared Right Now

Even though it freaked me out, I watched The NeverEnding Story frequently in the '80s.  Dum's "On & On" music video might be the source of a new wave of nightmares for me.  Thirty years after the movie was released, and with the addition of superimposed creepy faces, Artax still bites it in the Swamps of Sadness.  I didn't realize when I was a kid that the horse was succumbing to depression.  That is dark, but then SO IS THE NOTHING.


There are two positive things that I took away from my repeated viewings of The NeverEnding Story.  One is that even though I am a full-fledged cat lady, I would still like a puppy that resembles the Luck Dragon Falcor.  The second is that my family and I somehow find ways to insert the phrase, "It's my scientific speciality" into conversations.

The Most Thrilling Headline Of All Time

Pizza Hut expands the BOOK IT! program to adults, kind of

Holy schnikes-- I just got super jazzed when I came across that headline.  Ryan and I ate so many delicious personal pan pizzas at the Waterville, Maine Pizza Hut thanks to the Book It program.  He got pepperoni, I got hamburger, we both got root beer in red plastic cups.  Dang were those good times.  I had a large Book It pin on my acid washed jean jacket for several fabulous years.  Reading books and eating pizza were two of my favorite things in the '80s.  Spoiler alert: They remain two of my favorite things several decades later.

The Last Five

I took a month off from blogging and still I don't feel that I have anything pressing to share with you.  Just to try to get back into the habit of posting, I am going to write about books again.  Since I last posted about my (always fascinating) reading list, I have finished five books.  Two were loaners, two I selected on my own, and one was recommended by a friend.  

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand
I bought this book as a present for Ryan a few years ago.  He and our dad read and enjoyed Unbroken and Ryan then suggested that I read it.  He loves reading about World War II and I do not, so I repeatedly declined.  I am happy that Ryan finally convinced me to read this book, as the true story of Louie Zamperini was entertaining, inspiring, and almost unbelievable.  He was an Olympic runner who became a Japanese prisoner of war during World War II.  For a theatrical glimpse into Zamperini's life, you can view the trailer for the upcoming movie based on this book:

The Yonahlossee Riding Camp for Girls by Anton DiSclafani
USteve loaned this book to me, remarking that the story of a young woman attending a Southern boarding school during the Great Depression included some spicy material.  I am sad to say that although this book was set at a women's school, it did not remind me of my Wellesley experience at all.  I now realize that I did not spend enough time riding horses or seducing administrators.  What a waste of four years.

The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom
This was a good but very dark book, which is not surprising as it takes place on a plantation in Virginia and depicts the brutality of slavery.  I enjoyed the characters that Grissom created, though I often felt frustrated by the lack of communication between them.

Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake by Anna Quindlen
I picked this book up thinking that it might be similar to Nora Ephron's I Feel Bad About My Neck.  Both books were written by successful and wealthy women "of a certain age", so the lives they explore are not entirely relatable to me.  (More because of wealth than age.)  This book lacked the humor of Ephron's work, and humor goes a long way with me.

Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore
A friend told me this was one of the funniest books she had ever read.  Thus I started reading Lamb with unreasonably high expectations and was disappointed.  This humorous reimagining of Jesus's life was only okay for me.  Ryan is reading my copy of Wonder and told me last night that I over-hyped the book so now it is a bit of a letdown.  Will this vicious cycle never end?

Grandparents' Day

Yesterday was Grandparents' Day and fortunately I was able to chat with both of my grandmothers last night.  I know how lucky I am to have my grandparents in my life at my age.  Cheers to the four people who helped make my parents who they are and helped shape my life too: Nana Flem, Grampy, Nana Donovan, and Grampa Donovan.  Best wishes for good times with your favorite granddaughter in the coming year!

Odds and Ends

I really dropped the blogging ball this month.  There has been plenty to talk about, but I have found myself too busy to write about my new car (!), plumbing emergencies (in my home, not a euphemism), and assorted other bits of news.  Just to get the ball rolling again, here are a brief but amusing story and an awesome link that Ryan shared with me this morning.

While my mum was in town this past weekend delivering my new wheels (!), we visited her parents.  Near the end of the visit, this exchange occurred:

Grampa:  I am concerned that I am forgetting things.
Mum: What sort of things are you forgetting, Dad?
Grampa (looking at Nana): Mother, what am I forgetting?
Nana (emphatically): EVERYTHING!

For anyone who grew up watching "Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town," this page of sound clips from the Burgermeister Meisterburger is super fun.  Thanks for finding it, Bro.

Celebrate Good Times, Come On!

This past Saturday was the birthday of two very special people:  Nana Donovan and Uncle Steve.  

Ryan and I visited Grampa and Nana at their apartment to celebrate Nana's 92nd birthday.  Nana's usual sass was on display when she said she hoped her daughters would "lay out in lavender" one of her new enemies.  After we left, Ryan wondered if "lay out in lavender" was an idiom for killing someone.  Nana's tone suggested she might be plotting murder, but according to an online idiom dictionary, the phrase means to scold someone severely.  Mystery solved.  The birthday girl and her sweetheart are a wonder to behold, as Nana gets all fired up and Grampa not so subtly attempts to change the subject.  I am grateful to still have the opportunity to listen to Nana and Grampa's stories and banter.  Best wishes for a happy and healthy year for Nana Donovan!

After visiting with our grandparents, we drove to Provincetown for a spontaneous beach celebration of USteve's birthday.  Ryan and I had gotten together for brunch with USteve and Jeff earlier in the day and Jeff suggested that we all head to Provincetown to celebrate, as his friend's beach home was available for the weekend.  Surprisingly, all four of us agreed to take an unplanned road trip.  We left brunch to go home and pack for the Cape.  At 6pm, we pulled into the driveway of a gorgeous home with an ocean view.  After having a celebratory drink together on the porch, we put on our swimsuits and drove to Herring Cove.  The beach was picturesque, with the sun setting and a super moon rising.  We enjoyed an evening swim and then packed up our picnic dinner and headed home when Ryan started getting attacked by mosquitoes and broke out in a rash.  We had a lovely dinner and a nice visit with friends of Jeff's and Ryan's who who were in town.  I am a party pooper and did not hit the town that night, so Ryan will have to post about the P-town night life.  Many thanks to Jeff for making such a fun trip happen.  As we drove home the next morning, Ryan commented, "I think money can buy a person happiness."  Access to a fabulous beach house certainly lifts one's spirits.  Best wishes for a happy and healthy year for USteve!

Selections from the Reading List

I read four books while on vacation last week.  Two were outstanding, one was very good, and one was okay.  Here they are, in reverse order:

The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh was recommended to me by a friend.  Unfortunately it was not my cup of tea.  Victoria, the main character, seems to suffer from Antisocial Personality Disorder.  The reviews of the book tended to mention sympathizing with the flawed main character, but while I felt pity for Victoria's difficult childhood, I still could not stand her.  Quick summary:  Victoria Jones had a very rocky childhood in the foster care system.  The book begins with her turning 18 and aging out of the system.  She is able to utilize her passion for flowers and her knowledge of the Victorian "language of flowers" to work with a florist.  Every time someone shows her kindness, she blows up the relationship.  Fun times.  

Me Before You by Jojo Moyes was a birthday gift from a friend. Quick summary:  Louisa Clark is a British woman in her 20s who begins working as a care aid for a man in his 30s who is paralyzed.  Before his accident, Will Traynor was an extremely successful businessman.  He and Louisa would not have traveled in the same circles, as she and her extended family struggle to make ends meet in their shared home.  Will is understandably moody and difficult, but Louisa becomes very invested in helping him see the value in his life as it is now.  I really liked this book.

The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion was one of the two books I loved reading last week.  It was extremely funny and very sweet.  I laughed out loud many times while reading The Rosie Project.  Quick summary:  Don is an Australian geneticist with Asperger's Syndrome who embarks on a project to find himself a wife by distributing a detailed survey to potential candidates for the position.  Don quickly eliminates Rosie, a colorful bartender, from The Wife Project, but together they embark on a project to identify Rosie's biological father.  I was really entertained by Don's thought process, his unique voice, and his efforts to evolve.  I highly recommend this book.

Wonder by R.J. Placio is another strongly recommended book.  It is a children's book, and I know I would have loved Wonder if I had read it as as a kid, just as I loved it as an adult.  Quick summary:  August was born with a number of conditions that make his face look very different from other people's.  After years of being home schooled, he enrolls in fifth grade at a New York City school.  The narration of this book jumps from August's point of view to his classmates' and sister's.  Although there are heartbreaking moments (Ryan watched me cry my eyes out at the breakfast table while reading last week), the courage, humor, and resilience of August and his loved ones are touching.  This is such a good story and contains lessons that benefit both children and adults.

I am currently reading girlchild by Tupalo Hassman and I kind of hate it.  I almost returned it to the library without finishing it, but I think I am going to plow through.  I can read dark material and not want to toss the book, but the child abuse featured in this story makes it something I would neither revisit nor recommend to others.  Up next is Laura Hillenbrand's Unbroken, which Ryan has been trying to get me to read for years.  I promise to be well acquainted with Louis Zamperini's life in the next month.

The Second Biggest Vacation Shock

Nothing can top the surprise of learning that an aquatic python was sharing our rental property last week, but the runner up for shocking vacation revelation was discovering that my dad believed Damon Wayans of "In Living Color" and his son Damon Wayans, Jr. of "Happy Endings" and "New Girl" were THE SAME PERSON.

Granted, they have the same name and look remarkably similar, but there is a 22-year age difference between father and son.  When I asked Dad if he thought Damon Wayans had Benjamin Button Syndrome, he explained that he had recently seen Keenan Ivory Wayans on TV and he had aged really well, so Dad assumed Keenan's brother Damon had as well.  My father watched the past season of "New Girl" believing Homey the Clown had joined the cast.  Hilarious. 

Six degrees of separation alert:  My brother and sometimes co-blogger's friend is engaged to the cousin of a "Happy Endings" cast member.  So, me--> Ryan--> Ryan's friend--> friend's fiancee--> fiancee's cousin--> Damon Wayans, Jr.  Boom! 

And because there is no other way to conclude a post that mentions Damon Wayans, here are a few of his greatest "Men on Film" costumes for you to enjoy.

Northern Water Basilisk

I spent last week at a lake in Maine with my family.  This was our fourth summer vacationing at this particular lake and our ninth summer spending a week on a Central-Maine lake.  After decades of experience in and around Maine lakes, we had our first (and, please God, our last) encounter with a water snake. 

On Sunday, our first day at the lake, Uncle Steve joked that a water snake had brushed against his leg while we were swimming.  His joke was my nightmare.  Monday while my dad was on the lawn with my parents' dog Sophie, she started lunging and Dad announced that Sophie had found a large snake.  I was in the water and did not fully process the "large" part until I later got out and saw the snake from a distance.  I have only ever seen garter snakes in Maine.  Garter snakes are small and, as I have watched people pick them up and handle them, they do not seem very scary.  The Maine Inland Fisheries & Wildlife website explains that garter snakes' first reaction to a disturbance is to escape, but if they are threatened and do attack, their bite "may be alarming, but will rarely break the skin."  The snake on the lawn was no garter snake.  Its body was thick and although it was coiled, it was clearly quite long.  This was the biggest snake I have seen outside a zoo and it was genuinely scary.  

On Wednesday night, we came across the lake house guest book and discovered that the guests from the previous week had seen a large snake swim by the dock.  Holy ****.  We couldn’t believe that the python we had seen on the lawn was a swimmer.  Terrifying.  As I walked down to the water on Thursday morning with my cousin Molly, I mentioned that I was completely freaked out about the snake.  As we approached the water, I screamed, realizing that the snake was on the lawn on the other side of the dock from us.  It took Molly a minute to see the snake and then she joined me in panicking.  USteve heard the commotion from up on the porch.  When I told him the snake was back, he could see it from the porch, which is a decent distance from the water.  This snake is big, guys.  USteve joined us at the water’s edge.  Thank goodness this lake house is private, because there was a ton of screaming and swearing going on.  The pitch of our terror increased when the snake slipped into the water and swam with speed and agility.  Once we saw the snake uncoiled in the water, we could see that it was three to four feet long.  Holy ****.  USteve was standing on the water’s edge, closer to the snake than me and Molly, who had retreated to the end of the dock.  While the snake was in the water, Molly yelled, “It’s turning back around!” and USteve let out a booming “F” and raced onto the dock with us.  At this point, the chaos on the dock woke Ryan up and his face appeared at his second-floor bedroom window.  We explained/screeched that the snake was back and was in the water.  Not long after, Ryan came walking down the lawn with a police baton in one hand and a butterfly net in the other.  Needless to say, he did not capture the snake.  After a while, it finally retreated up some rocks and into a patch of overgrown plants on the lawn.  I am pretty sure the fear I experienced that morning shaved a few years off my life.

That afternoon, USteve started Googling “northern water snake,” as the guests from the previous week had identified the hell serpent thusly.  The previously mentioned Maine snake site calls the northern water snake a “very robust snake.”  (What a neutral way of saying that it is big and scary.)  The site also states, “It is known to defend itself aggressively and can deliver a painful but non-venomous bite.”  Holy ****.  I wasn’t sure I would ever dare to swim in this lake again.  The weather last week was very rainy and I spent most of that precious sunny day anxiously scanning the water line and rocks for the snake.  But I am a hero:  I got back in the water that evening and swam again the next two days.  (I am a third-rate hero:  Usteve, Ryan, and my mum beat me into the water and I was on the verge of whizzing myself for a good portion of my water time.)  I now suffer from snake PTSD.  I saw a garter snake on the lawn on Friday—a small, non-threatening garter snake—and I screamed, swore, and clutched my dad as if we were under attack by a rattler.  He helpfully recommended I "get a grip."

Below is a photo my mum took of the snake the first time we saw it on the lawn.  You cannot begin to grasp the terror it inspires until you see it:

1)      In real life

2)      Swimming

It seemed much more basilisk-like in person.  (Full disclosure, I just got the heebie-jeebies looking at photos of northern water snakes.  Holy ****.)