Vegetarian Propeganda

I had an "Orange Is the New Black" season two marathon this past weekend and was unsurprised to learn that the new, irritating inmate, Brook Soso, is a vegetarian.  If someone is going to drive a nun to lose her cool, you can bet that someone is a vegetarian.  We are THE WORST.  Our Facebook posts never celebrate bacon, the greatest creation on God's green earth.  Rather, we spread vicious lies about pigs being smarter than dogs.  Yes, Soso made this statement on the show and yes, I have made this statement in real life.  It stung a bit to hear a character who is universally regarded as annoying spouting some of my classic material.

Brook Soso, Vegetarian/Pain in the Ass

Some time in my teens I came across the famous "pigs are smarter than dogs" fact and stopped eating both pork and beef.  I had never liked seafood, so there was no conscious choice to stop eating fish.  I stayed on the poultry gravy train, however, until I hit my 30s and read Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer.  There are numerous reasons to stop eating meat, including environmental and health benefits, but for me it all comes down to not hurting animals.  I know that I am fortunate to have the option to make this decision.  A hungry person can't eat her morals.  And even though I have tossed my pig-intelligence fact around through the years, I rarely comment on people's meat consumption. 

Last week I had dinner with friends, one of whom asked if I miss eating meat.  I told her that I am used to not eating meat, but the phenomenal smell of a summer barbecue has not yet lost its appeal.  There are no exciting vegetarian substitutes for good-old-fashioned burgers and franks on the grill.  I have found that, grilling aside, gardein products are my favorite meat substitutes and are usually crazy delicious.  Just last week at the aforementioned dinner, I discovered that Yard House offers meals that feature gardein.  It was an exciting night. 

My three carnivorous kitties* who I love so very much strengthen my belief that I, personally, do not want to hurt or kill any living creature in order to fill my already ample belly.  Today I came across an article about a baby rhinoceros whose mother was killed by poachers.  The following heartbreaking sentence from the article affirmed what every animal lover knows to be true-- that animals have feelings.

"Next to her body, the rangers found a baby rhino refusing to leave her side, crying inconsolably, Hoedspruit Endangered Species Center officials said."

Until there is evidence that soy beans are capable of "crying inconsolably," I will keep passing on crazy-delicious barbecued meats this summer and eat gardein's ultimate beefless burger instead.  I think it will be a win for both me and my my bovine friends.



*They continue to dine on chicken, venison, and tuna right under my nose.