I started listening to Christmas music last week. While I generally love holiday tunes, there are a few songs that have been popping up far too frequently for my taste. I would like to invite the following four Christmas songs to KILL THEMSELVES so I don't have to listen to them ever again.
1) "All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth"
This song is brutal. Even Nat King Cole, an undisputed holiday song master, can't save it for me. And when you factor in versions where the singer attempts a lisp. . . . Good God.
2) "Santa Baby"
There is absolutely no need, in my opinion, for a horny Christmas song.
3) "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"
The Jackson Five have a cover of this song that I almost don't mind-- mostly because they are actual children instead of creepy adults talking in baby voices. (Another hit against many covers of "All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth".) But I am a real Puritan (minus the religion) about my holiday songs. I don't want any hanky panky in my Christmas tunes.
4) "Do They Know It's Christmas?"
Well, if "they" are neither Christian, nor living in a Christian-influenced nation, "they" probably don't know it is Christmas. I only knew this week was Diwali because Stephen Colbert told me so on his show. And yet I doubt there are bands in India lamenting my ignorance in song.
One generally disliked Christmas song that won't make my list is "The Twelve Days of Christmas." Ever since my dad led my family in a version of this song at my grandfather's Christmas party many years ago, I always think about my Uncle B belting out "FIVE GOLDEN RINGS" in a perfect falsetto (eight times) and smile when I hear this song.
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